


Strawberries and Cigarettes

by funkylilwriter



Series: Summer of 2018 [2]
Category: Big Bang (Band), Block B
Genre: Angst, Based On a Troye Sivan Song, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Running Away, Songfic, Traveling the world, classic good boy bad boy dynamic but with troye sivan motifs, jiho's journey to becoming a badass, teenage angst, unaccpeting parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 19:45:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15274896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkylilwriter/pseuds/funkylilwriter
Summary: Lying down in a motel and counting each other's tattoos, Jiho asks the question,"Remember when we first met?"





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> It's really not the same experience of you don't listen to the song; Strawberries and Cigarettes - Troye Sivan

It was at moments like this – when Jiyong and him were lying down in a random motel in some part of the world – when Jiho remembered how things used to be.

Jiyong and him were looking at each other’s tattoos, telling or retelling the stories of how they’d gotten them. Jiyong already knew about all of Jiho’s because he had been present when he was getting them.

That’s right. Jiho hadn’t always been a delinquent. Before he’d met Jiyong, he’d had a different idea of what his life would look like. And he didn’t have a single tattoo.

Not one.

Jiho was snapped back to reality when Jiyong poked his hip.

“But that one’s my favourite,” he said.

Jiho glanced down and smiled fondly at Jiyong’s name tattooed on his hip. The older had Jiho’s name in the same spot.

“You always say that,” Jiho mumbled and rolled on top of Jiyong.

“It’s the truth.” Jiyong leaned in, but at first Jiho moved away, making the older chase him a bit until he allowed the kiss.

But Jiho wasn’t as responsive as he usually was. He was slipping away, into the past. When Jiyong pulled away, he cupped Jiho’s cheeks and pressed their foreheads together.

“Baby, I’m losing you,” Jiyong whispered.

“I’m just thinking,” Jiho said, just as quietly.

“What about? Is everything okay?”

Jiho nodded, but in the process their foreheads bumped. They pulled away from each other and broke into chuckles.

Jiyong sat up and pulled Jiho into his lap. “But seriously,” he said. “You seem distant.”

Jiho shook his head then rested it on Jiyong’s shoulder. “I was just thinking... Remember when we first met?”

Jiyong smiled and whispered, “Of course.”


	2. II

 

 

It sort of just happened.

Taeil had convinced him to come along to some gig. Not only did it take weeks to convince his parents to let him go, but it was ruined right away because the moment Jiho stepped into the room he started feeling anxious. First time in such an environment, people pressed together in a small space, pushing each other, jumping, sweating, smoking... There was no air.

He’d barely made it outside, escaping a near panic attack.

And he stayed there.

He had been alone for an hour or less when a green haired guy in a leather jacket and jeans so ripped that the tattoo on his thigh showed stumbled out of the tiny venue, laughing like crazy.

He didn’t notice Jiho even though the younger was full-on staring at him, admiring his bold looks.

The guy searched through his pockets, took out a pack of cigarettes and kept searching. Eventually he gave up, groaned and kicked the wall behind him. Then he let out an exasperated sigh and looked to the side.

He made no comments about Jiho’s staring as he walked over.

“Got a lighter?” The guy asked, his speech a bit slurred.

Jiho didn’t answer, instead he started looking through his own pockets. He didn’t usually have one on him because he honestly had nothing to use it for, but miraculously, he found an almost empty blue lighter in his jacket. Taeil’s influence, perhaps.

Jiho held it out to the other, but the guy only put a cigarette between his lips and waited. For what, Jiho couldn’t tell.

“Go on then,” the guy said, almost dropping the cigarette out of his mouth while speaking.

Jiho blinked. “What...”

“Light my cigarette,” he said and Jiho realized in that moment how obvious the request had been.

Utterly embarrassed, he stepped closer and mumbled a tiny, “sorry”. He struggled with the little wheel, but managed to light the cigarette before he embarrassed himself too much.

It was a moment of silence while the guy smoked, both of them leaning against the wall and staring ahead. Neither of them talking.

Then the guy moved, once again reaching into his pockets. He took out a black marker.

“I’m Jiyong,” he said.

To Jiho it was a mystery how he could speak with a cigarette in his mouth,

Jiyong reached for Jiho’s hand with the intention to write on it, but Jiho pulled back suddenly.

“I can’t...” Jiho mumbled.

“What?”

Jiho felt very stupid about his excuse. The truth was that his parents had some sort of disgust towards any type of “violation of one’s body”. It didn’t stay on tattoos and piercings, no, it somehow translated into writing with pens and markers. Jiho used to get in trouble as a kid if he so much as got a flower on his hand as a sign of affection from one of the classmates.

Heaven forbid the classmate was male, but that was another story.

But he couldn’t say this. He struggled to find an alternative and ended up saying, “It’s bad for your skin.”

Jiyong stared at him, then tilted his head to show part of a wing and a roman number on his neck. “What’s your point?”

Jiho had no idea how to answer that.

“Listen, this crap washes of really easy. I wanna give you my number but I have no paper. When you get home write it down and wash your arm. That simple.”

It took him a moment to make the decision. Jiho wasn’t supposed to be doing any of this – writing on his arms, taking guy’s numbers, not even being out late.

But he rolled up his sleeve and gave Jiyong his arm to write on.

After giving him his number, Jiyong was smiling brightly. He put out his cigarette by stepping on it and said, “My friends are waiting. Call me.”

Then he was gone.

* * *

At that point they’d been talking for a while. Thanks to Jiho’s parents, however, they only saw each other when Jiyong would walk him home from school.

“Walk him home” meaning that they’d take the longer way back and Jiyong would leave before they reached Jiho’s house to avoid the risk of them being seen.

Jiyong was somehow very patient. He never complained about any requests Jiho made in order to conceal the whole thing. Not at all, in fact he himself was cautious on Jiho’s behalf.

Jiyong was careless and wild, but he’d never put Jiho into any real danger.

But Jiyong was getting impatient, even though he was still making sure not to put any pressure on Jiho.

“I want to take you out,” he’d said one day. “On a real date. Don’t get me wrong, walking around and eating ice cream is dope. But I want the whole thing. Call it cheesy, but it’s what I want.”

Jiho dropped his gaze, sighing. “You think I don’t? I want this—“ never uttering the word ‘relationship’, always ‘this’, “—to be like a fucking David Levithan or John Green novel. I want all the stupid cheesy bullshit. But we can’t have that, not while I’m living with my parents.”

Jiyong was smiling at Jiho’s outburst, but it was quite the sorrowful smile. “Jiho. You need to stop letting others dictate your life. You have to take over, it’s yours.”

“Yeah, but that’s not so easy. They’ll kick me out if they ever find out and then what would I do?”

Jiyong was silent for a moment. “I’d help you.”

Jiho huffed.

“Come on! We could do whatever we want! I moved out when I was fifteen and I’m still here, still going to school and hanging out with friends and living – all the shit you’re afraid to lose. But guess what, I’m fucking free!”

Jiho stepped back and looked to the side.

He didn’t love his parents. He didn’t love his home. He loved Jiyong.

And yet something was holding him back.

“Listen to me,” Jiyong said. “This Saturday at ten p.m. I’ll be on the corner down the street where we always—“

“I know,” Jiho cut him off.

“Good. I’ll wait for you... As long as I can. As long as my cigarettes last.” Jiyong showed him the half empty pack.

Jiho felt his chest tightening. “What happens if I don’t show up?”

Jiyong shrugged. “Nothing. We keep doing this thing like we have been. But I want to be honest with you, Jiho. I won’t be able to keep this up forever. I need you by my side.”

* * *

Saturday evening, Jiho was on the verge of a panic attack. But by then he’d decided firmly that he would go. He didn’t care if he wouldn’t be able to breathe, but he would go.

He was terrified, but he would go.

He’d lied to his parents. He’d said that he’d be meeting up with Taeil for another gig and that he’d be sleeping over – really the only thing they let him go out for.

Taeil was a childhood friend and their parents knew each other, which was the only reason he was allowed to go out with him at all, even though Taeil himself wasn’t quite to Jiho’s parent’s liking.

He’d hardly ever lied to his parents on such a big scale before. Even with Jiyong, it was simply hiding his entire existence. He’d never had to outright lie about that.

But now, he’d stood in front of his parents and served them whole bunch of bullshit that they believed.

Taeil was, of course, in on everything and alert. He was willing to risk and sacrifice a lot in order to make the night possible. Then again, his parents were much cooler.

So when the time came, Jiho grabbed his backpack and jacket, went out the window, jumped the fence and ran.

The first few steps away from his house were hesitant, but after that he ran like the wind.

Jiyong was where he’d said he’d be. Jiho was so precise that Jiyong hadn’t even had the time to smoke one cigarette.

When he spotted him, Jiho only ran faster. After he got close enough he dropped his backpack on the ground and jumped into Jiyong’s arms.

There was a hectic moment when both of them were just half laughing, half crying and kissing sloppily.

Jiyong soon let him down and Jiho picked up the stuff he’d dropped.

“Where to?” Jiho asked.

“Wherever you want.”

* * *

They drove out of the city and stopped at a gas station. There they bought snacks and drinks and Jiyong bought some strawberry flavoured cigarettes, not even sure if they’d be any good.

Then they drove further down the highway and stopped at the rare part that isn’t illuminated. They climbed onto the roof of the car and sat there, listened to some music, ate and drank.

Looking up at the sky, Jiyong said, “It’s not much at all.”

Jiho wasn’t exactly sure what he was referring to, the date or something else. “What?”

“The stars, I mean. This country is a horrible place to stargaze. They’re always being drowned by the city lights.”

The moment as well as Jiyong’s words seemed completely surreal to Jiho. He smiled softly and withed Jiyong make strawberry flavoured smoke rings.

And when Jiyong threw his cigarette away, Jiho leaned in. Jiyong turned to look at him, but kept his gaze on Jiho’s eyes only for a second before glancing down at his lips.

That look, the heaviness of it made Jiho shiver. He felt tingly all over, his heart doing back flips in his chest. That look made him feel like the kiss had already happened.

It wasn’t that they hadn’t kissed before. It was that Jiho had always been terrified and never allowed more than a peck. In turn, Jiyong didn’t ask for more.

Now, they weren’t exactly in the middle of nowhere, but they felt like they were.

The air was cold and Jiho felt paralyzed, yet he managed to move. And this time when their lips connected, Jiho didn’t pull away and try to hide.

This time, he let Jiyong pull him in, closer, closer until there was no space between them. This time he let it unwind, he let himself enjoy the warmth, the soft sigh slipping by Jiyong’s lips, without the fear that they’re being watched somehow.

Jiho could taste the nicotine and the artificial, light taste of strawberries on Jiyong’s tongue.

He was left utterly breathless.

* * *

Driving back towards the city, they got the craziest idea.

Something that would mean true defiance and refusal of everything his parents had tried to force onto Jiho.

It started off as a joke, but in the end it was Jiho who said,

“—but I do, I want to get a tattoo.”

Jiyong seemed to be beaming with pride. “Alright then, if you’re sure. I can take you to a friend of mine. He’s as reliable as it gets.”

On their way there they discussed what tattoo could Jiho get and where. The conclusion was that hiding one would be easiest on his stomach or waist. As for what to get, Jiho said,

“I want to get a date in roman numbers, just like yours.”

Jiyong instinctively brought his hand up to touch the tattoo on his neck as if to check if it was still there. “Oh yeah? You also want your birthday or?”

“I want today’s date.”

At this, Jiyong only smiled.

Jiyong’s friend Taeyang was the tattoo artist.

“He can do no wrong in my eyes. He did most of mine and I’m still alive, so you have nothing to worry about.”

Although despite Jiyong’s reassurances, Jiho was still nervous.

And when Taeyang actually started, Jiho realized that he’d been so occupied with worrying about keeping the tattoo a secret that he’d forgotten about the fact that getting a tattoo hurts.

Jiyong found it funny. He was calling Jiho cute as he was tearing up. Jiho didn’t exactly agree. He grabbed Jiyong’s hand and didn’t let go until it was all over.

* * *

Jiyong had three roommates. Taking that and Jiho’s family situation into account, it was next to impossible to be hanging out at each other’s homes.

So, they spent the entire night out. They watched the sunset from a parking lot, sitting on the roof of the car like they had before.

Jiho was lucky that Taeil was awake at seven a.m. At the end of their date, Jiyong took Jiho to Taeil’s place for him to at least get _some_ sleep.

* * *

Ever since then Jiho had started lying to his parents more frequently and more severely. More importantly, he’d started doing the one thing he used to think he never would – he had started introducing himself to his parents. At least, the version of himself that he showed to his friends and Jiyong, and not the one his parents expected to see at the dinner table.

Of course, that brought conflict. His parents weren’t happy with Jiho talking back, occasionally swearing, wearing his hair like that, dressing like that, existing the way he wanted to.

The funny thing was that Jiho hadn’t stopped fulfilling their expectations career-wise. He still went to school and planned to finish college, the only problem was that he wanted to be himself while doing so.

It all blew up one night, when Jiho had reached for the top shelf.

His shirt had betrayed him. It rid up his stomach and revealed the then new tattoo on his hip.

There was a sound of glass breaking.

_“What is that?”_

Oh, it was hilarious. Not only was Jiho deemed an abomination for having violated his body, but with a boy’s name at that.

_Who is Jiyong? How long as this been going on? You’ve been lying to us, haven’t you? Are you even still a virgin? What else have you lied about? Who is Jiyong and where are his parents? Do they know about this? How far has it gotten?_

And at that point Jiho lost all his nerve.

_“Yes mom I’m screwing a boy! I got a tattoo of his name because I love him! Oh and guess what? He’s got my name too! And you won’t disown me for that, no, I’m disowning you!”_

With only his keys and his phone, he went out.

Taeil’s place was closer than Jiyong’s and Jiho felt like he needed his friend more than anything else.

The plan was simple; tomorrow when his parents have gone to work and while it’s still too early for them to have changed the lock, they’d go gather his things. Then they’d call Jiyong.

The next day, with all of his positions in Jiyong’s car, they sat there, both staring ahead.

“I’m sorry,” Jiyong said. “Running away Bonnie and Clyde style was my dream, not yours. I’m sorry it all happened this way.”

Jiho threw a glance at him. “What are you sorry for? It’s not like you came to my house to pick a fight with my parents.” He paused. “It just happened. But it had to happen eventually.”

Silence. Not even the radio was on.

“Hyung, you were always a part of my future. But... I used to have a plan for it. And now I have no idea what I’m going to do.”

They locked eyes and Jiho could see the heaviness, perhaps even guilt in Jiyong’s eyes.

“I trust you. I trust you with my life,” Jiho said. “Please don’t make me regret it,” he whispered.

Jiyong took Jiho’s hand and kissed his palm. “I can’t say that you’re right for trusting me but I won’t betray it. I promise.”

They took off.

 


	3. III

At that point they’d been wondering around for a year or so. They hadn’t settled down yet, but they were planning to do so. Jiho still wanted to go to college and so did Jiyong. They influenced each other in the best way possible. Jiyong was no longer afraid of settling and Jiho was no longer afraid of showing himself.

 

Jiyong’s voice reached Jiho, even though it was barely above a whisper. “I lost you completely.”

Jiho blinked a few times, his gaze becoming clearer. “I’m sorry. I’m here.”

Jiyong smiled faintly and gave him a gentle kiss.

It tasted like strawberries and nicotine.


End file.
